Friday, both of the boys went their separate ways for the weekend. Jordan went camping with my in-laws and it was Jacob's turn to spend the weekend with my parents. This meant that Brad and I were kid less all weekend!
Friday night we went out to dinner with some friends from church, Nikki and Vince. We ate at the Tin Fish on Marina Point overlooking the Ohio River. It was a beautiful night, actually chilly for July. Afterwards we met some more friends, Stacey and Bobby and went bowling. We had an awesome evening and Brad and I are so thankful for the new relationships we've made in the last three years.
Saturday, Brad had to work some overtime (thank God) and I headed to my friend Rebekah's (since elem. school) house to meet her and another friend, Leisa (since middle school) to put up sweet corn for winter. Rebekah's parents own a farm in Spencer County and grow sweet corn. We picked it, shucked it, washed it, boiled it and scrapped it off the cob. We started at 10:00 and ended around 5:30! It was a lot of work but we had a blast just hanging out in the kitchen and talking. I am so glad Rebekah and her family has moved back home!
So to right now, Monday evening. Again, we woke up to another beautiful day. Thank you Lord for this weather. I asked the kids what they wanted to do today and they said, "Meet Mamaw Knight for lunch at Roca Bar and eat outside". So we met my mom, sister and nephew at Roca Bar for lunch and then headed to Fortress of Fun to play. The kids had so much fun playing at the park and the highlight was the ice cream man coming and the kids got to buy ice cream! We headed home and the kids are now outside playing none other than............. BASEBALL with their daddy in the back yard.
My house is a mess, my eyebrows need to be waxed, my hair needs to be cut and I have TONS of laundry to do but spending time with my kids is WAY more important than all of that!!!! We have had an awesome day and better than that, we are ending it with some Tastee Freeze Ice Cream!!!!! Life is good!
5 comments:
Oh MeChele, you have asked me a heavy question. I looked for your e-mail address so that I could take a stab at this privately, but apparently I'd deleted that email from my inbox....so here goes on your blog! haha!
Raising boys, I believe, is one of the highest callings. Think about it. These are the ones God has called to lead families, to lead marriages, etc. How we raise them is so important. I always say that parents of toddlers write books on parenting; but parents of teenagers write books on prayer.
It sounds easy, but it really does all boil down to keeping them held before the Lord...I mean on your knees, daily.
When they're little, don't be afraid to strickly discipline them. Stick to your guns. They need to see you be consistent with the consequences when they deliberately disobey. This is exactly what we see in our heavenly Father. Hug, and love, and slather them in affection.
As they grow up and start to develop their own friendships, YOU filter those with the keenest of eyes, all while you beg God for discernment. Who your boys run with WILL affect the young men they become. If you don't have a peace about those friends or their families, pay attention to that and limit their time with them. Make no apologies. If your son thinks you're the gestapo (like mine did at times) then so be it! You love them best and you know what's best for them. Seriously, a wise coach tells my boys, "You show me your friends, I'll show you your future." He's right.
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As they age and get more independent, don't fall into the trap of feeling like you have to be their best friend. You don't. It's nice if you can, but that will come later if you hold them accountable to HIGH standards today. They'll rise up and thank you for all the NO's you gave 'em back in the day. There were times when my boys probably couldn't stand me and I knew it. I'd just say, "Well, you might feel that way, but I love YOU with everything in me and way too much to let you....or hang out with...You'll see why one day, and then you'll think I was pretty cool afterall." Guess what. They do just that. We had to be so tough with our boys. My oldest is leaving for college on Aug. 19th and I can truly say that we are now the closest of friends. He and I have many a light night conversation about deep things, or girl-matters, or whatever is on his heart. He actually wants my advice. He really measures what I say. He knows because he's been the recipient of consistent, unapologetic tough love throughout the years. Now, we're the "best friends" that I would have loved to have been at about age 13-16, but knew that would have to wait. I'm glad I did. He's a joy and I'm so proud of him.
Just this afternoon, I had to say no to my 16 year old about something he wanted to do with someone. I couldn't explain "why" to him, but just told him I had a check in my spirit about it. He accepted it and said, "Mama, you're intuition is always right. I'll do something else." He's seen it with my older son, and he knows I'm looking out for his best.
Listen, YOU and your husband are the gatekeepers to your children. Pray about their friends. Pray about ANYBODY they spend time with. GUARD them when you don't have a peace. Who cares if they don't like it. You're not in a popularity contest. They may think you're mean. You know better. Just smile, and tell them how much you love 'em and that they'll thank you one day.
Say yes whenever you can. If you do, then when you have to say no, they realize it's not cause you're a control freak.
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BE DELIBERATE ABOUT PUTTING MENTORS in their lives. It's essential. But be sure you KNOW these men or young men and their walks with the Lord. I think Godly coaches and young men can have a huge impact on the men they become. They need wise godly men speaking into their lives; not just you and your husband.
Expose them to people who are less fortuante, who suffer, who struggle, etc. Pray for their hearts to be tender. Pray that their hearts will be broken over the same things that break the Father's heart. Real men need a balance between being tough and being tender.
If your teenager becomes a jerk for a season, just know that it really is normal. It's an adolescent season. It's weird. If you don't particularly like them during this season, just know that you will again later. Let 'em begin to separate from you a bit. It's crucial to their manhood. It's actually healthy for there to be a bit of tug of war with you. Read "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge. It's the best!
Always trust them, until they give you a reason not to. If they lie or mislead you, give them consequences they'll NEVER forget.
KNOW THEIR PASSWORDS TO THEIR EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KNOW THEIR PASSWORDS TO THEIR FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you can't have those, then they can't have those accounts. THEN, read their business. Yes, I did say that. There will be people who disagree with this, but I have VERY WISE friends who are WAY WAY WAY wiser than me, who have raised the finest men ever who told me way back when that I should do this. I've run this by counselors and such and they agree. So, guess what. We have all that info, and YES, I look at their business every single day. And my boys are 18, 15, and 12. Now, granted, they do have their space and we completely honor that. But, they know that what they say on their phones, email, FB, etc. is subject to review at any given time. They know we love them enough, and understand them enough to hold them accountable.
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NEVER EVER allow them to have TV's or computers in their rooms. They're boys. They're curious. It's just the way they are. TV's and computers are way too big a temptation to see CRAP that will warp their little minds and hearts. Again, you're the gatekeeper.
Say you're sorry whenever you screw up. Beg their forgiveness. Explain that you're learning as you go, and they didn't come with a manual and that you desire to do the very best you can, but sometimes you lose it. Be real.
Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.............Don't take anything so seriously that you can't laugh at yourselves. Remember that their grades, or their chores, or how they perform on an athletic team, etc. have NO ETERNAL significance. The ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN LIGHT OF ETERNITY IS RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!!! Their relationship with Jesus, and their relationsips with family and friends.
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When disciplining, keep THE RELATIONSHIP in the forefront of your mind. This is where the saying "Choose your battles wisely" comes into effect. Weigh whether the battle is going to be worth it. If it's going to compromise the relationship, then it AIN'T worth it! The type-A/control freak mamas I know have HORRIBLE relationships, if any, with their boys. That's so sad it makes me want to puke.
If it's not a big deal, then let it go.
Another thing. When they're in that jerky stage, tell them for every bit of stubbornness they have, YOU HAVE MORE! For every bit of "fight" they have in 'em, YOU HAVE MORE! Tell them you WILL WIN in the end...even when you have your own doubts if you're going to survive this stage. Fake it 'til you make it. I remember saying to my oldest, "Listen here, I'm NEVER throwing in this towel on you. You may resist me, but hey, I can take it and then some. I will NEVER tire out! So c'mon, let's go. I'm in this to win, and win I will. Give me your best, 'cause I've got more than you can handle. I WILL NOT THROW IN THE TOWEL ON YOU!!!! I've signed up for the long haul with you, son." Pretty soon, he gave up the fight, 'cause he KNEW I WAS going to win. HE KNEW HE WAS LOVED PRETTY DANG MUCH for me to put up a bigger fight than him. I would tell him he was loved way too much to let him by with a crappy attitude. It's funny now, looking back on it, b/c I thought he'd kill me. But, it was worth it. I'm glad I never threw in that towel when it would've been so easy to!!
Oh, this is funny, I used to give my boys monetary rewards for scripture they would memorize. I learned this from Joe White, the president of Kanakuk Kamps. I figured that if I rewarded them for things much less important, why was it so bad to reward them for hiding the LIVING WORD OF GOD in their hearts. So memorize they would. Their motivation might have been the $, but guess what? The WORD is still the WORD! IT has the power to transform. It's hidden in their heart TODAY, even though their intentions (back then) might have been the reward. It's still the living Word of God. So, do it. It works. They'd memorize all kinds of scripture, and it was beautiful! Music to my ears! And the fruit is here today, praise God.
Well, I'm starting to preach. You asked, so I'm just rattling off the first thoughts that come to mind. I wanted to answer you b/c I truly do believe that God entrusts special moms with boys. They're different from girls. It is a job we should take so seriously. We've been entrusted with these young boys for us to mold for the Kingdom.
Well, I can't believe I just left this novel on your comments. You'll have to send me your email again, so that I don't have to leave all this on a public place...hahaha!
Happy parenting! Boys are great! Raising Godly men is the best!
Blessings,
Rhonda
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