Entry #4

It has been two weeks since I made my last journal entry. In the past two weeks, I have lost 1 lb. I am happy! I have been on an emotional roller coaster with this weight loss/lifestyle change. Despite the fact, that I had the "monthly visitor" and conquered a major holiday, I am happy with 1 lb! I have been in a funk, for the lack of a better word. I have been battling weight since after I got married and not until now, have I realized how much of an emotional eater I am. In the past, I have skipped meals because I don't have time to eat, then I am so hungry that I eat everything. I can't pin point a time when I was emotionally upset and ate and ate and ate. But I do know now, that I have been an emotional eater because of the roller coaster of emotions I have been on the last two weeks. I have not turned to food, so I have no way of knowing how to deal with these emotions and I feel helpless. I didn't realize I did this until the last two weeks and I had an emotional overload of things happening in my life and because I have been disciplined in the food dept., I didn't turn to food and guess what, I freaked out. I have been grouchy, grumpy, bitchy (sorry) and just feel helpless/hopeless. Another thing that bothers me, is the time I am taking to work on me. I feel like my life is out of control because I am spending time walking and not doing laundry, or walking and not spending time with my kids, or walking and not cleaning, etc.... I have neglected my walk with God, the time I spend walking/exercising, I use to read my Bible and pray (during some of it). Now, I have let that go too. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God knows my heart and the love I have for Him. He knows what I am dealing with before I even ask. Last night at church, the Holy Spirit was so peaceful. I just sat at the altar and cried and prayed. I prayed for my priorities, our youth kids, my kids, my husband, my unsaved loved ones. I poured my heart out to God and apologized for "sucking" (sorry again) so bad. I have a peace today that only He can give. So I am going to trudge through this thing called life and know that I'm only here temporarily and that one day all the pain and heart ache will be no more. And in the meantime, I am going to enjoy this wonderful life HE has given to me.